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This weeks episode is set to be a banger – the Karaoke Queen they’ve been plastering all over the ads is on. I’m just about giddy with excitement.
It also features a bush wedding, complete with drop dunny, as well as absolute and unquestionable true love.
The budgets don’t seem to be nearly as harsh this time, so it’s less like extreme-bargain-bin weddings and more like reasonably priced weddings – which kind of takes some of the fun out of it. But don’t worry – there’s plenty of drama left to go around.
Couple #1 Shaun & Desrae
Shaun and Des from Barraba met at the servo. He was pumping fuel, she was in her pjs. It was love at first sight. 10 years later they were engaged. “We were waiting for the right time,” Shaun says. Okay shaun, Des isn’t buying it and neither am I.
The budget: They’re going for a “country chic” wedding with a budget of $6,000, because they want to save for a family. Aww.
The dress: Is “hideous”. Des’ words, not mine. She’s ordered it from China and waited months for it to come, only to find that it doesn’t look anything like she was hoping. In fact, she’s more than a little disturbed by the “nipple cups.” Me too, Des, me too.
“Don’t cry about it,” her mate tells her. Instead, they decide to pop into town and get a different one. It’s $250 down the drain and when she shows up in a brand new one, there’s no mention of how much it cost, so I imagine that it pretty effectively broke the budget.
The food: The only thing I saw about the food was that they had an entire pig on a spit. Wicked.
The venue: Is a teeny tiny bush church that Shaun says is “picturesque”. There’s no electricity, no running water and only a drop dunny. That’s going to be fun with a church full of people downing beer and mini sausage rolls.
They’re furnishing it with stuff that they found in a scrapheap. Which is… innovative.
But oh, hold up. Drama. Des is feeling faint and overheated. She needs to sit down. The music is getting intense. We go to an ad break on a cliff hanger…
The bombshell: …and return to find out the Des has a bun in the oven! They’re finally having a baby after trying for aaaages. That’s super sweet. I hope their budget can handle it.
After they announce that there’s a baby on the way, there’s fireworks, which is cool until it lights the surrounding bush on fire. No worries, though, they’ve got a water tank and hose.
Except the pump isn’t working.
There’s a period of panic, but eventually they do get the fire out. Phew.
The verdict: Well, aside from the raging bush fire and fainting episode, it went well. Oh and the generators cutting out for a while was a bit of a downer. But all’s well that ends well, right? Except, of course there was that thing with the priest dropping the rings. Twice.
I’m choosing not to take that as an omen.
In the end, the wedding, as Shaun says, “‘Went off with a bang.”
Couple #2 Matt & Trish
Matt and Trish from Scarborough met at Manly when they were 14. They were then separated, but destiny brought them together again 15 years later. That’s how you know it’s true love.
They also have a landscaping business together, and their philosophy is to undercut everyone else’s price. My kind of people.
The budget: I missed the figure of the budget, but these two are going to extreme lengths to save. They grow their own veges to save $100 a month and have even been having cold showers, which Trish says “doesn’t bother us at all.” That’s commitment. But apparently, it does save them a considerable amount on their power bill.
The dress: Is a Grecian style number from a local boutique. Trish has spent $150 on the dress, and splurged on a veil and headpiece that were $50 a pop.
But it’s totally justifiable, because get this. Matt cuts and dyes her hair for her. He also paints her nails and promises he doesn’t mind doing it. What a modern gent. Plus, he only buys the hair dye on sale. Champ.
And, ok, he shaves her legs. This is getting a little weird. Turns out he plucks her eyebrows too. I’m bowing out to go get a snack.
The food: Trish and Matt have secured the services of Howard the Chef which was a good move because he is a ledgend. He not only lowers the price of the buffet, but also says he can do them a mud cake for $50, because “aww, it’s a wedding.” You ledge Howard!
Trish and Matt choke up a bit when they see the cake. Aww.
The venue: Chef Howard has also been put in charge of decorating the bowlo for the reception and has done a spiffing job. It’s super elegant in white and red. This is a man who believes in true love. Put him in a toga and stick a bow and arrow in his hands and he could be cupid.
The ceremony is held in someone’s backyard? I think? But they’ve got it set up to do weddings and the owners throw in accommodation for free because apparently everyone in Scarborough believes in true love like it’s their job.
The bombshell: Matt has been super excited about the dirt bike he’s going to ride to the ceremony – but low and behold, he gets a call and the dirt bike is not coming. He’s devo. Totally crushed. He’s actually crying. This is devastating – I did not sign up for these feelings.
But someone up there approves of this wedding because Matt’s old buddy Greg comes through with a bright orange vintage car. Matt quickly switches from devo to stoked. It’s the little things I guess.
He makes it to the ceremony, and upon laying eyes on Trish, Matt immediately starts to weep. This time it’s happy tears. They swear the undying love they’ve felt since they were 14.
I’m not crying, you’re crying.
The verdict: I’m not certain if they stuck to their budget, but they managed to get a heap of freebies and discounts, so I’m counting it as a win. Besides, Matt got choked up and wept on multiple occasions and if I’m being perfectly honest, so did I. What more could you want from a wedding?
Although, I am docking points for that bit where they made out like teenagers – it was uncomfortably like watching your mum and dad pash.
Couple #3 Steve & Emma
Steve and Emma from Maryborough are the ones we’ve all been waiting for. Emma thinks she’s a 7-8 on the bridezilla scale. Steve suggests 12 is more in the ballpark.
Strap yourself in, it’s gonna get wild.
The budget: Emma is running the family business because her mum is sick, which apparently doesn’t bring in much cash. So, the budget is $8,000, which on this show, is actually pretty generous.
The dress: Is described as a Disney Princess dress, which is worth $1,400, but Emma got it for just $1,000. I think that’s the most expensive dress we’ve seen yet, but she says she splurged because she’d always wanted and thought she should have it. Can’t argue with that logic.
They’ve gone for cheap Target suits for the boys to make up for it.
The food: Steve has decided to just opt for beer to cut costs on the alcohol. Good work, Steve. Aside from that, I don’t think there was much talk about the food. I’ll assume that means it was pretty standard, or I was in the kitchen getting a snack of my own while they discussed it.
The venue: The reception is at the local RSL, which looks dapper as all get out. They’ve got party favours on the table – shot glasses and candles – which they got for less than $200 all up.
They don’t talk much about the venue either, actually, which leads me to believe it was a tad expensive. Or maybe I just missed it in anticipation of Emma’s “special surprise.”
The bombshell: Emma’s got a sore throat, but it’s not holding her back.
She’s ready – in front of the whole wedding, she belts it: “I’m your ladyyyyy! And you are my maaaan!” This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. It’s glorious, it’s ethereal and it’s not so bad? Kind of?
The producer has thoughtfully put the actual song on the backing track for the bit when her voice falters. Steve has a short moment where he seems to be questioning his life choices, but ends as supportive as ever. You’re a champ Steve.
I know everyone’s been laughing about this because it’s been on all the ads, but guys, c’mon, it’s her wedding day. I say power to her.
The verdict: Well, it was not the trash TV masterpiece the ads lead me to believe. In fact, this entire episode has been very sweet and Disney-esque with all the true love floating around.
Although, it must be said, the budgeting didn’t seem to play as big a part as it did in the first week. I actually missed Crystal spouting off exact figures like some kind of human calculator.
Maybe that’s just the finance nerd in me talking.
Next week: Someone forgets to buy a dress and shows up in her undies. On an unrelated note, an old lady is scandalised at the lack of booze on offer. Tune in here for your recap and if you missed it, don’t forget to check out my take on the first episode.