Look, Valentine’s Day is a sham. You know it, I know it, and the marketing guy getting rich because we all keep buying oversized teddy bears for our boo definitely knows it.
But couples everywhere are going to buy into it again, because if you don’t spend a wad of cash on this specific day every year in order to prove your love, you’re probably going to die alone surrounded by cats. I don’t make the rules.
And it’s all well and good for loved-up pairs – but what about us single folk? The lone wolves, the one man mariachi bands? What if we want to spend money on stupid stuff because it’s February 14th again?
Here’s your solution: the anti-valentines gift. Celebrate how much Valentine’s Day sucks by buying stuff emblazoned with snarky logos and likely made by the same companies that produce the traditional chocolates and teddy bears. That’ll show ‘em.
Top Anti-Valentine’s Day gifts for the cat lady in your life
For the jewellery lover: F*@k Off Locket – $40.44
For the preteen who’ll never be able to trust again, after their BF/GF liked someone else’s insta selfie: Girl Gang Starter Pack Phone Case – $59.00
For the recently single and “totally okay, guys, I swear I’m totally fine” friend: Boyfriends Suck Kit – $25
For the un-entangled #GirlBoss, who’s too busy Getting It Done to date: Independently Owned Flask – $28.95
For the single who thought they’d have a date this year and needs to blow off some steam: Broken Heart Pinata – DIY
For the divorced wine mum disillusioned by Tinder: Cupid is Stupid Wine Glass – $20.22
For the “junk food is amazing and boys suck” camp: Fries Before Guys Hoodie – $35.99
For the happily single friend who’s too polite to say no to unwanted admirers: No Thanks Cross Stitch Crew – $24.25
For the single who you’re getting a tad concerned about, actually: V is For Mug – $16.17
Enjoy your shopping and bitterness everyone.