Australia’s Cheapest Weddings Ep 5 & 6: the double whammy

Australia’s Cheapest Weddings Ep 5 & 6: the double whammy

There have been a couple of interesting developments in the land of Australia’s Cheapest Weddings since this time last week.

One: someone at Channel 7 has clearly been reading this blog and noticed my distress at the lack of budgetary details in the last episode, because the figures were flying tonight. Thanks, nameless Channel 7 executive.

Two: This was a double episode! I had no idea. It was like waking up on December 25th and finding not only Santa, but also the Easter Bunny standing in your living room. Although, if I’m perfectly honest, I don’t know if I have the stamina to watch six budget weddings all at once, at this time of night.

But don’t worry – I persevered to bring you a recap of all the frugal fun. So if you started flagging after couple #4 and nodded off on the lounge, check out what you missed below:

Couple #1 Nathan and Nicole  – AKA the beach in the bush

Nathan and Nicole have been together 13 years, which is longer than I’ve ever done anything in my life aside from breathe. She’s from QLD, so they’re doing a beach wedding… in Broken Hill. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Also, Nicole works in a dollar store, so basically everything is from there. I hope she used her staff discount as well.

The dress: Cost her $170. The veil, amazingly, cost just $3. So far so good, but then, it comes out that an hour before the wedding she still hasn’t even tried it on. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME? There’s ominous music and I am bracing for disaster, but all is well and it fits fine. This show and it’s fake dramatics will turn me grey.

Luckily, it fits.
Luckily, it fits and she doesn’t have to get married in her trackys.

The venue: They’re having the reception at the musician’s club, and because they’re spending $2k on the food and bar tab they get the space itself for free. They’re paying $18 bucks a head for some pretty standard pub-style food. That doesn’t include dessert (or vegetables, as one guest snarks) but they’ve got a massive wedding cake so who cares?

Oh, and hahaha she mispronounces a la carte. Whatever guys, get over it.

The drama: There’s not a lot – Nicole is late, and needs to wee before the ceremony even starts, but that’s minor.

Also, there’s some kind of misunderstanding about sand – Nicole’s sister has brought river sand to a beach themed wedding. What? Something got lost in translation there.

This is very obviously not from a beach.

Honourable mention goes to the bride’s mum, who is a true blue Aussie from the bush and perhaps the best value thing in the whole wedding.

Couple #2 Sarah and Shannon – AKA the Funky Old Ladies

These two are Melbourne hipsters through and through – I mean, Sarah catches a tram to the ceremony, and if that isn’t the most Melbourne thing, I don’t know what is. They met online and are not exactly proud of it. Don’t worry kids, that’s how everyone meets these days.

Ok, they’re cute, I admit it.

The dress: They’ve been op shopping for decorations to go with their vintage theme (“you can never have too many doilies!”) and lo and behold, on a dusty op-shop shelf, Sarah has found the perfect wedding dress. It’s nice, and apparently comes from an Aussie designer whose dresses go for up to – wait for it – $15k. She paid $80, so that’s a win for the Vinnies wedding.

The venue: True to the funky old lady theme, their reception is at the local bowlo. They pay $200 for the space, and $36 a head for a spit roast dinner, including dessert. But they want to bring their own canapés to save money – there’s a tense moment, and I feel like the bowlo manager is trying to work out how to say no on TV, but she relents, and they hit the supermarket to pick up some camembert and frankfurters.

Side note: I notice that Sarah has found a table sized doily, which is an impressive commitment to the aesthetic.

The drama: They’re baking their own cake. They’re literally googling it as they work. There’s no possible way this could go wrong.

Everything is fiiine. Hand me that wine.
Everything is fine. Hand me that wine.

Despite a flawless practice run, when they get it all together in the bowlo kitchen, it’s sagging to one side very noticeably. Shannon is freaking out. He’s the true bridezilla here.

And then, his credit card declines, OH NO.

The verdict: This is a cute and quirky wedding, although, they lose points because the band pushes them over budget. Having said that, the band also play Outkast so I can’t really begrudge the cost.

Couple #3 Andrew Tammi AKA “High school acquaintances”

These two have only been together for 8 months – but wait, ok, it’s fine, because they went to high school together. Well, not together together. They were more like acquaintances.

With five kids between the two of them, they’re also a modern day Brady Bunch. The wedding budget is $5,000.

The dress: Tammi wanted one that would have cost her $2k, but then she found a linen beach dress for $50. Definitely a good deal and she looks very pretty.

The venue: They’re getting married on the beach because it’s free. Wow. Ok. Colour me jealous. Nathan and Nicole are probably also jealous, since this lot have actual sand from the actual beach.

Show offs.

The reception is at the local golf club, and instead of paying $125 a head for the deluxe package that includes decorations, they’ve gone the cheaper DIY route.

Side note: They’ve got a marvel themed cake and the kids are running the music. Hot potato has never been so romantic.

The drama: They say their own vows and Andrew chokes the heck up. Oh my god it’s so lovely I can’t handle it. He is so chuffed. There’s no drama here – just love.

Must. Not. Weep.

And that’s it for Australia’s Cheapest Weddings this week – OH but WAIT! Did you think we were done? Because I did.

But no, this is a mammoth episode. It’s going past my bedtime.

The double time slot makes me wonder if this is the last time we’ll see Australia’s Cheapest Weddings actually. Anyway, cancellation speculation aside, here’s round two guys:

Couple #4 Katherine and Mark – AKA Bridezilla and her mum (Mark is there somewhere too)

Classic set up for a bridezilla story here: Katherine always gets what she wants and Mark is happy to go with the flow.

The backstory is that they had $20,000 saved up for the wedding of their (read: Katherine’s) dreams, but a storm ruined their driveway and they had to spend the money on repairs. Their new budget is $5,000.

The dress: First, Katherine tries on a princess dress. “Its a little bit fancy isn’t it. You’re not really a fancy person,” her mum says. Oh wow, thanks mum. Luckily, it’s price tag is half their budget and she puts it back anyway.

You’re more of a tracky-dacks girl really.

She tries on another one that’s worth $269. “It don’t think it’s you,” mum says.

Third time’s a charm because ding ding ding, we have a winner. Even mum likes it, and the best part is that it’s only $205.

The venue: Her dad is a life member of the local surf club, so they get it as a venue for cheap. Katherine has to do lists for everyone helping set up. She’s got rules, she’s got charts. She literally loses her voice from giving orders.

Buying turned out cheaper than hiring as far as decorations go, and she’s going to flog them online afterward. In fact she’s already resold the chairs before even using them. She spent $84 on glasses and resold them for $60. Atta girl.

Honourable mention: She goes to Aldi for flowers! I love Aldi.

Mark’s only apparent contribution is dinner – gourmet pizzas. Katherine has a lolly table set up. Oh guys, you are speaking my language.

The drama: Despite having a $170 cocktail slushy machine at their